March 25, 2013 : passion principle

so jurnei, 
you are still here.  always have been.  always will be.  

it's beautiful how you keep lifting my heart just by reminding me of my talents and gifts.  i am digital.  

thank you for the blessings in my life.  the short times in meetings with friends who remain friends, some the best of best friends.  

thank you for the gift of communication.  its art.  its you.

jurnei, is it really going to be so long for this healing?  

"till you return back Home"

does healing bring out those who find value in me?  

"yes"

but i don't see them.

"they are allowing you time to rest and heal"

but,

"no. quiet yourself. please. the more you stress, the more you stress"

jurnei, HOW DO I REFILL MYSELF?  AGAIN?  you remember me asking you to heal me before, a decade ago!  did i fill myself with the wrong fillers?  how can i tell?  

"they weren't the wrong fillers.  passion is not a wrong filler.  right now, fill yourself with principles.  you can't depend on passion.  you can depend on principle"

i am filled with so much passion, though!  

"we know"

and principles!

"we know"

so,

"you know.  you KNOW"

never put passion before principle.  you told me that this past november, didn't you?

"you remember. but don't just remember or rely on a memory or memories.  act on it.  live out the principles and let the passions follow suit.  you still have alot to let go of.  that is part of the principle.  warriors don't go out to battle with duffle bags of baggage.  they don't go out to battle with duffle bags at all.  leave them behind.  and i know you want to do the "honorable thing" of proper storage, etc.  give your baggage to me, here and now.  it will allow your passage to be ..."

less stressful?

"was that a rhetorical question"?

was that?

"ha ha, answering a question with the same question.  nice"

so now what?

"as you would say, boom biddy bye bye.  and this ones for you: rest in peace"

ha ha nice jurnei.  can we talk about loss?

"in time"

in time, jurnei.  forever.  with you.  in time.  all the time .....

valiant

this is me: valiant.

Part of Speech: adjective

Definition: brave

Synonyms:  

adventurous, 

assertive, 

audacious, 

bold, 

chivalrous, 

courageous, 

dauntless, 

fearless, 

fire-eating, 

gallant, 

game, 

grand, 

great, 

gritty, 

gutsy, 

gutty,

heroic, 

high-spirited, 

indomitable, 

intrepid, 

lion-hearted, 

magnanimous, 

nervy, 

noble, 

plucky, 

powerful, 

puissant, 

redoubtable, 

self-reliant, 

spunky*, 

stalwart, 

steadfast, 

stout, 

stouthearted, 

strong-willed, 

unafraid, 

undaunted, 

undismayed, 

valorous, 

venturesome, 

venturous, 

vigorous, 

worthy

Antonyms: afraid, 

cowardly

March 16, 2013

Jurnei,
the long chain behind me,
feels less weighty.  so so much less.
my attempts of polishing something that tripped
me, hit me, wrapped me ... is feeling lighter and lighter .. ..
thank You Jurnei!  i must continue to look at you and hear your
direction, your orchestration, your muzic.  our muzic.  no matter the
silent shouts from about.  no matter the chuckles of shame.  i have to know
they are not You.  they don't come from You.  You make following You so easy.
i make it difficult.  because i feel the need to cling to my baggage.  but i didn't return here
burdened.  You returned me, unknowingly equipped.  what affects me, should not.  in more ways
than just one, two or society.  and i did not return with manic mania.  i have by acquisition.  Jurnei, i can
not carry it anymore.  we're headed back to forever and i will leave behind the sin that i never bore before.

so i can hold Your hand just in case i fall again. and again.  and again.  and again.  and again.  and again.  and

March 5, 2013 - zwe

Jurnei, 

it is not too late. 

It is never too late. 

It is never wrong.

It is always where we belong. 

It is magical. 

It is inspiring. 

It is albeit splendid. 

It is we.

February 26, 2013

Jurnei, you mezmerized me in my thoughts and dreams. i 

knew what you were showing me. i am scraping off the 

scabs of hurt. these old old dried scabs. thank you for 

telling me that i don't keep those scabs as reasons to 

resent. get rid of them i am. so many though. external and 

internal. is there someone new beneath the crusts? 

beautiful is a give in. gummyness is craving. bouncy? oh ya.

 but i gotta still take a chill pill. recovery is due. patience is 

new. both for me? i accept.

February 25, 2013

Jurnei, this night is decrepit. it is as empty as my non soul. it is as blank as forgivenesses forgiveness. i am nothing! bleak. putrid is my name, my being, my self to those called prayers. and pastors. the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth is comical to religious nay sayer's. damnable donkeys! support comes not from you Jurnei but from deacons that sit in the back row nodding off to pulpitized Truth whisperers! i imagine you hover hover hover hover hover but find no welcoming seat reserved for you. none with me. because i'm on trial by those that accuse, "you need help". i will accept their help, Jurnei. they offer no love. just diagnosis. no love. just prescription. NO LOVE! just shame. shame. spread within friends and without proof. Jurnei, they have stolen from me and still beg for more!!! more displacement! more discredit! more slander! in effort to laugh at stupid sunday family lunches for a meaningless cast away! throw away. thrown away. a way a way now new gardens plotted to wipe away another way out of my existence. my unsung Truth lays buried. and no, the realtors will not be judged or executed. just cute? "buy the way to delete the memory of this rotary phone named * * * * d" the throw back to being d'd one more freakin' time! let's return outta here again, Jurnei! NOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February 16, 2013

Good upcoming morning Jurnei:-) 

we shall dine in the stars tonight! 

what shall you reveal to me again and again and again? 

the eyes? 

yourz? 

equal to mine. 

yet subdued due to visually painful reality, 

the opposite of where you and i are. 

when eye see the vision of you in face: my smile increases. 

when eye meet you newer each day: my grin widens. 

when eye hear your silent voice, 

your calm intermelodic tone, 

your expressive joy, 

and gladness, 

and burst of wonder for me, 

eye envision our splendor together! 

Jurnei, you don't see me full of sorrow because you have seen me full of joyful beauty as you once did always. 

you twinkle even in the depths of my day dreams and at the thunderlights of my nightmares. 

they tear through. 

but you do not disappoint. 

Tonight will be another glorious out shining morning with you!!