the draw

so Jurnei,
You are the only reliable.
not me.
not "friends".
not family.
not ecclasia.
not skill.
not employment.
not even abandonment.

yet, i will be as reliable as i will be.

my plans are only limited by control.
my duties are only exercised by force.
my activities are only endorsed by time.
my adventures are only appreciated by You.

and also, yet, tis sad.

neither plan nor duty, nor activity nor adventure is promised.

the elements are not.
the dates are not.
the decisions are not.
the games are not.
the entrances are not.
the exits are not.

the only alluring trap is the reckoning.

behind or within the mesh,
are figures of grace and beauty.
still.
trepid.
timid.
frail.

i .... d .... on't ..... c .... an't .... s ..... peak ..... m .....y ...... b ........ reath.
i ..... s ...... uffocate ........ m .....y ............... h ....eart .......

scorn for absence

guess i'll be honest today Jurnei.
i hate.
right now,
i hate.
i am just angry.
i am fed up.
i am pissed the fuck off.
it could be the weather.
or it is my past that mocks me.
the past does.
behind the present.
and in the face of the future.
scorn.
yes.
i hate.