Jurnei, you mezmerized me in my thoughts and dreams. i
knew what you were showing me. i am scraping off the
scabs of hurt. these old old dried scabs. thank you for
telling me that i don't keep those scabs as reasons to
resent. get rid of them i am. so many though. external and
internal. is there someone new beneath the crusts?
beautiful is a give in. gummyness is craving. bouncy? oh ya.
but i gotta still take a chill pill. recovery is due. patience is
new. both for me? i accept.
Jurnei, this night is decrepit. it is as empty as my non soul. it is as blank as forgivenesses forgiveness. i am nothing! bleak. putrid is my name, my being, my self to those called prayers. and pastors. the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth is comical to religious nay sayer's. damnable donkeys! support comes not from you Jurnei but from deacons that sit in the back row nodding off to pulpitized Truth whisperers! i imagine you hover hover hover hover hover but find no welcoming seat reserved for you. none with me. because i'm on trial by those that accuse, "you need help". i will accept their help, Jurnei. they offer no love. just diagnosis. no love. just prescription. NO LOVE! just shame. shame. spread within friends and without proof. Jurnei, they have stolen from me and still beg for more!!! more displacement! more discredit! more slander! in effort to laugh at stupid sunday family lunches for a meaningless cast away! throw away. thrown away. a way a way now new gardens plotted to wipe away another way out of my existence. my unsung Truth lays buried. and no, the realtors will not be judged or executed. just cute? "buy the way to delete the memory of this rotary phone named * * * * d" the throw back to being d'd one more freakin' time! let's return outta here again, Jurnei! NOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good upcoming morning Jurnei:-)
we shall dine in the stars tonight!
what shall you reveal to me again and again and again?
the eyes?
yourz?
equal to mine.
yet subdued due to visually painful reality,
the opposite of where you and i are.
when eye see the vision of you in face: my smile increases.
when eye meet you newer each day: my grin widens.
when eye hear your silent voice,
your calm intermelodic tone,
your expressive joy,
and gladness,
and burst of wonder for me,
eye envision our splendor together!
Jurnei, you don't see me full of sorrow because you have seen me full of joyful beauty as you once did always.
you twinkle even in the depths of my day dreams and at the thunderlights of my nightmares.
they tear through.
but you do not disappoint.
Tonight will be another glorious out shining morning with you!!
Hey! even though i am in the midst of the cyclone I just close my eyes! hummm with the spinning wind! grin as the water leaks from my eyes down the corners of my face. i spread open my arms and imagine being lifted off when i am being lifted up! this is going through the fear. and the best i can do is to know i will never be seperated from my Overseerz. i still yearn for the peace ever so much!
i live .... from the truealization that i am ....
i love ... with the inertia stemming and brewing deep ...
deep ...
deep .....
i value ...... self .. my .
your .
our .. time completes us jurnei!
once ungrasped now appreciated.
still.
priceless.
i voice . . . . . the nature of defaultz:
re affirm.
the hummmmm mouth wide open .. smagrin ..
we're locked.
plateau or cliff.
majestic beauty you are jurnei, peaceful .
w .. e ... r ....
let's continue our musical ambiance this evening
and every evening and morning and every morning!
