still excited

some how, Jurnei, i'll get through.  i will get to You.  i know You are here with me, in me, around me, yet, i smagrin, ambulo.  my foot curls up still.  whether there is interest from the outside, i know You are not just interested in what i am doing on this, or where i am going, but You are planning this.

i still don't know, i have no clue, what this is gonna be about.  i don't want to keep wondering either because than it is almost a "set up", a set up to something BIG when maybe, it doesn't need to be.  i don't think it does.  Jurnei, i'll be serious, ever since 4/26/98, i don't feel important.  i feel as if i was a set up for something BIG and obviously, it was not.  i am not.

so i am going to just go GO and try to help people, others, feel and know that they ARE big to You, no matter how small and insignificant this world causes them to feel.  it sure happens!

but i believe, Jurnei, this is an easy task by simple utter enjoyment for Life.  not for what life brings me and others, but for what i can bring Life.  You Jurnei are Life!  and i just want to bring You my recognition, appraisal, reverence, joy and love.

i am stifled here.  my joy is shadowed and over shadowed even more.  my joy is even questioned.  not by You, though.