seeing dark

Jurnei,

whether i end from the beginning

or if i start from the ending,

the swirl is no more comfortable.

the spinning to no where is driving me insane.

i see flashes of "fun"

and then the lights are gone.

like sparklers in a light beginning of a spring shower.

and there is so much haze,

and fog,

and the smell is fine,

but after a while,

it gets old.

gray old.

barely living to live is not what living is supposed to be about.

4 weeks of trite coverage is not sustaining.

4 hours in 1 day out of 365 days really is not sustaining.

enjoyable, yes.

but the memories flash away like sparklers.

glows of sudden glory have again, been overcome by the darkness that surrounds me,

is in me,

fills me,

seeps from me,

hummms at me,

IS me.

i was Light before April.

or was i?

4 weeks, we'll see or i won't see . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .