why can't i sense you?

Jurnei,

am i looking for You in moments?  in others?  in life?  in me?

in purpose?

are You there?  or are You me?

i have been so drained by joy tonight,

and i do not believe it was even real joy.

evenings and days of placebos.

i have been so usurped.  and it weakens my efforts.  to the point of decay.

i don't believe i am supposed to be here anymore.