definition convo #1

"who defines you?", my shadow asked.

i replied, "everyone"?

"well, let's look outward toward the reflection of yourself, and ask,

"who defines your friends"?

the simple answer of truth: not you.

and not anyone else BUT your friends.

equally, the definition of yourself is penned only by yourself.

"friend" does not define you,

neither does "enemy".

"fathers" and "mothers", "aunts" "uncles" "grandparents"

"foster parents" do not define you.

"status": good or bad, does not define you.

"mistake" or "success" does not define you.

"expectation" by all, and even "expectation" by self does not define you.

your "greatest achievement" or your "worst failure" does not define you.

behind you, whether "trail of tears" or "shadows of laughter" does not define you.

"future hopes" you've laid down or

your "past of sorrow" dug up, does not define you.

acronyms of mental health do not define you.

comparisons of financial wealth does not define you.

what you see in a mirror does not define you.

and neither does what you don't see.

your definition is not permanent nor ever changing,

nor elusive to reality,

nor static to fantasy.

definition is just a word or jumble of words used as a filler, acting as "purpose".

definition matters to judge or jury and matters not to executioner.

definition matters to a Book of rules or memory.

definition matters to scars of tragedy or evidence to amputee.

yet, none of that Truly defines you".

i stopped grinding.  looked down and paused.  my fist opened and the stone, dry and rough, fell to the surface beneath me, near my nightly guardian.

money it

MONEY

why is life dependent on it?

success is based on it.

fortunes are monopolized by it.

safety is needed by it.

security is shackled in it.

status is compared by it.

relationships are divided by it.

lives are ended because of it.

love is fossilized in it.

trust is not earned from it.

faith is gambled for it.

marriages are ended because of it.

families float from it.

friends are embarrassed by it.

divorces are paid off by it.

counsel is weakened from it.

health is afraid because of it.

deaths are buried from it.

WHY JURNEI?

branson

HONEST ALERT!!

so, i have 4+ months left on my apt lease.  and i will sell whatever possessions that will not benefit me.  i might give my father my truck but if he sells it after finding out what i am going to do, then i won't.

once the end of October arrives, i will begin my trek southward.

i might stop in Branson for a while.  sleep under bridges or over passes.  lobby's?  foyers?

i don't know whether to head eastward or westward or just continue southward.

I HAVE TO GET AWAY FROM THIS PLACE.

talk about spinning??  the wheels of my mind have been spinning since waking and i wish i never woke.

i feel like the only reason i am keeping myself alive is to appease my family.  for all their prayers.  for all their attention.  for all their "help".

i feel like the only reason i am alive is to fulfill the church's definition of "miracle".  for all their prayers "answered".  all their hopes "achieved".  but there is no work of theirs for who and what i am.  and that is why, to churches and to families, i am normal.

"really"?

Jurnei, i am so out of here in a hurry!

southward

I am having visions of how I am to live my purpose:

starting now, I will devote all my income to savings.

I will work as often as time allows.

to pass the off work time, I will reside in nature covered by her foliage.

nestled on a blanket wrapped in the breeze.

sung to by fowl.

I will run within the forest's halls of oak and birch.

by October ..... I will NOT renew my apt lease.

I will NOT move in with family nor supposed friend.

I will begin my pilgrimage southward on FOOT along the Eye of 35.

back pack, water bottle, guitar, journal, Bible and tent and sleeping bag.

comfort needs not to accompany me.

direction needs not to lead me.

the sad couples of "regret and hope" and "promise and fallacy" shall remain behind me.

if I estimate my funds then I lack faith in providence.

I will lack nothing other than who has left me and who mistreats me.

they shall remain.

my journey will present an open blank tablet to write more new songs of peace.

for this is for me.

to walk.

away.

to mingle with the unknowns.

who are far away.

new appreciations to incur.

the lives of others.

the tastes of middle hemisphere wine.

campouts along the oceansides.

coasts of crashing tides filled with fish untasted. yet.

conversations with the tongues I speak.

and should continue to learn.

paint my face with mud to cover the scars of blood and hate.

smile and laugh and smagrin to the clear night's stars.

smell the scents of Guatemala.

wake to El Salvador's coffee again and again and again ...

meet those with beautiful green Columbian eyes.

roll in the forests of Brazil and cure myself from the disease of scorn.

shake hands with Peruvians and Bolivians then dish out cuisine with

farmers from Argentina.

swirl the spices of Chile too and sharing music with all.

this will span till 40.

i might rest my souls in the Falkland Islands.

or bury myself underneath and between the dueling oceans.

~~~ ~~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~

down under lies. my purpose. lies. my value. lies. my life. lies.

yet i will float and fly above within the particles of Truth.

and only then will i find rest.

and sip with the Trinity the vintage Malbec and Merlot.

WE shall smile with eye lids closed.

slow breathing and laughing.

then a contrite smagrin

hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

https://soundcloud.com/smorez/latriaj-w-percussion

https://soundcloud.com/smorez/latriaj-w-percussion

tuff

i do have a tuff road ahead of me.

a path of blockages.

a path of ditches.

a path of holes.

a path sidelined with objections, etc.

HOWEVER!

Jurnei, 1st and foremost I will praise You!

to get me through, to spur me on, to nudge me forward.

2nd i will bless rather than curse.

3rd i will accept rather than refuse.

this is in part due and owed to our Predecessors.

You are my Help in this.

i will trust You.

appreciation

Jurnei

thank You so much for my friends : the room mates that enjoy life ....

thank You for the Life You have given them ....

please protect them .....

thank You for the life You have given me and still .....

i continue on .......