4 give?

so help me jurnei,

"forgiveness is not ok-ing something that is not right.  

it is saying i will withdraw myself from what's not right and put 

myself in what is"?

now that i have been withdrawn, 

or set apart,

or if i set myself apart,

and if you are righting the wrongs that were done in me,

to me,

around me,

will i be repaired to one whom is right?

i know, i know,

"focus and heal".

focus right.  heal right.

but it is taking so much time . . . ....... and wearing this thick cloak 

of loneliness, and hoisting this duffle bag of shame, which 

should not be, is tiresome.

and it's raining out side right now.

i guess that's not too bad.

jurnei,

usurped was what i thought was love.

please refill me with Yourz.  

shine my outer coating with 

smiles of me

smiles from You

smiles from me

smiles of You.

my trepidatious timing is wondering.

keep adding to my time spent with You.  

slow

jurnei,

please slow the world down.

i know i have 700+ years to live,

i would love for it to feel like 700+ years.

heal.  

me.

focus.

me.

jurnei

immerse myself in

scripture to use as

my blanket

my skin

my clothing

my armor

i doll no more

thank you jurnei, for subtly telling me in my daydreams of reconstruction that 'just because i think i honor an old idol by memory or memorial doesn't make it honor'.  

it is an idol!

jurnei, i will need some assistance with the removal of that idol.  i have books and books and albums and poems and song and story and scripts and audio and video of her.  idols are to be brought down when they become and idol.  not only when the attempt is to replace the Overseerz but when "it" is conceptualized.  

this is what you are telling me, eh?  jurnei, you know this will be tough because i had alot of stock in her.  10 years worth since awakening.  but, you should have always been the reality of my investments.  only you payback outstanding dividends.  

idols never payback or reward the worshipers, do they?  neither do godless prophets or prophetesses.  help me destroy the tie.  that binds.  it's slavery.  

idols don't even say thank you when song and dance is before them.  idols don't smile or nod in approval.  idols don't bless and they observe in utter silence, the disrespect of inanimate.  idols soak up our lust and my idol soaked up mine.  a good thing.  my lust is dried and calloused.  

jurnei, only you can soothe me.  and you hummm to my orchestration.  

tonight i sing a song i wrote for you.  

"i won't ever be in the dark cause now i can see You"!

Jurnei,

thank you for the rest with you.

thank you for reminding me to focus on you.

to dream of you.

to dream with you.

to dream in you.

when i wake with you, i am more refreshed than the day before.

you are with me always.

you are with me now.

tomorrow, i will remember when i was with You.

but i can't and won't solidify myself in that moment of time.

i carry on.  i move on.  you pick me up.  you lead me through my future.

whether or not this healing is un noticed,

it is what is.  and You and i are together.

you are my stability, Jurnei.

thank You.

enable

good morning jurnei

my sleepless nights

with you

are less and less and less and less

peace:

restoration is only futuristic.

closure does not exist, right?

i searched for it in vain.

i sought it for selfish gain.

my need for it

seems to out weigh the proven weight of

TRUTH,

in that individual experience

is 

individual reality.

dream is neither experience or reality

thus it's so called truth is fantasy.

it can never be proven,

just assimilated

or imitated.

it is a group or self fulfilling prophesy.

there is more truth in what we can not currently

see,

taste,

touch,

smell,

or hear

than in what we 

instantly manifest,

or presently long for,

or continuously dream up,

or selfishly expect,

or sometimes hope for,

or at most times demand,

and at rare times fervently pray for,

and at all times,

simply are ready for,

prepared for,

and/or accustomed to.

this Truth is not hidden, 

it is simply dimensional.  

jurnei, there is Truth everywhere and my eyes want to see only the truth, yet, alas,

those senses are so strong in me,

holding on to the longing.

i suppose knowing how the feeling is, 

how captivating, yet,

elusive,

can assist me in seeing the struggles others will have,

and do have, 

in understanding the feeling.

and overcoming the continuous feeling of 

chasing after that rabbit.

THAT is what distracts.

THAT is what dismays.

but, jurnei, it gives me something to ponder,

to recon.  

my walk is not to reconvene with only You, is it?

my path is not to re-converse with only me, either, 

is it?  again and again and again ...

my trail is not about what is laid before me

or what was laid behind me, is it?

because no matter the rabbit trails, my path is eternal.

maybe those rabbit trails are to revisit?

please please please jurnei,

re-position me.

enablement: proceed . . . . . . . . . . . .