i'd rather die tryin' than live dyin'

i'd rather die tryin' than live dyin'.  

Jurnei,

take away my efforts

of the present:

from the past:

in the future.

for they are futile.

maybe it's the feeling like i have to

"overcome"

the disdains, all the time.

the visions of scorn.

10 years of that plus an added year before that.

it hurts so much.

it kills me that they won.

"she" won because her family won.

i have the freedom, yes, but it feels like freedom to lose?

it really still does not feel right.

my songs to praise You are not heard.

my heart to cry is muzzled.

my soul in hell is muffled.

show me the way to rescue it.

is it by simple praise?

just praise?

pure?

praise?

i must keep singing it, i suppose.

so my dungeon kept soul will just hummm the echoes of it as the shackles are being unlocked.

is that what i vizited years ago?

hmmmmmm