morose

Jurnei,
a friend of mine said this prayer for me last night and these two sentences stick out to me.

"Awaken me to the treasures that can only be found in darkness."
and
"Mother Teresa of Calcutta, her words, "I am told God loves me and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Before I could spend hours before Our Lord, loving Him, talking to Him and now, not even meditation goes properly. Yet deep down somewhere in my heart that longing for God keeps breaking through the darkness....my soul is just like an ice block, I have nothing to say". Later she wrote, " I have come to love the darkness for I believe that it is a part, a very small part of Jesus' darkness and pain on earth".

YES!  i believe fully there are treasures hidden in darkness.  they are your 1/3 original angels, just lost, and manic depressive.

i am a jot of dark surrounded by differences of light.  Jurnei, i want to believe, i don't know.  is it selfish to think i can shine light?  i rather believe i reflect different lights.  angry lights.  joyful lights.  placid lights.  but i do not know if light rests in me.  i think it's why darkness keeps surrounding me, it is drawn to my darkness.

is that why i am here?  to draw the darkness home?  i like the thought, especially knowing there are treasures found in my darkness.  treasures such as lost friends, hurt friends, angry friends, sad friends, rejected friends, abused friends and happy friends but just lonely.

it's morose.  and i can barely think about music these days.  maybe that's focusing me, focusing my mind?

i'm looking for something though.