branson

HONEST ALERT!!

so, i have 4+ months left on my apt lease.  and i will sell whatever possessions that will not benefit me.  i might give my father my truck but if he sells it after finding out what i am going to do, then i won't.

once the end of October arrives, i will begin my trek southward.

i might stop in Branson for a while.  sleep under bridges or over passes.  lobby's?  foyers?

i don't know whether to head eastward or westward or just continue southward.

I HAVE TO GET AWAY FROM THIS PLACE.

talk about spinning??  the wheels of my mind have been spinning since waking and i wish i never woke.

i feel like the only reason i am keeping myself alive is to appease my family.  for all their prayers.  for all their attention.  for all their "help".

i feel like the only reason i am alive is to fulfill the church's definition of "miracle".  for all their prayers "answered".  all their hopes "achieved".  but there is no work of theirs for who and what i am.  and that is why, to churches and to families, i am normal.

"really"?

Jurnei, i am so out of here in a hurry!