Jurnei
i try to not
but i can not
still i will not
although i have done
and still do
yet
no more i want to.
my future is such a mist of darkness
a cloud of suffocating air.
i can not form it or formulate it or formalize it.
i don't know if i should hope to this future,
to what ever future,
is it mine?
i relent to gasp for the thin air of what ever future it is.
it seems the best i should do
for me
right now
is continue to see my present time.
my present of time.
the current.
days are much better
along
with the evenings and midnights.
but i don't want to look at the present either.
because i have nothing to account for.
maybe being me
who You created
yet,
even to myself, i am unacceptable.
so i still will focus on Who is acceptable
still,
when shall i heal from this?
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