Jurnei,

thank you for the rest with you.

thank you for reminding me to focus on you.

to dream of you.

to dream with you.

to dream in you.

when i wake with you, i am more refreshed than the day before.

you are with me always.

you are with me now.

tomorrow, i will remember when i was with You.

but i can't and won't solidify myself in that moment of time.

i carry on.  i move on.  you pick me up.  you lead me through my future.

whether or not this healing is un noticed,

it is what is.  and You and i are together.

you are my stability, Jurnei.

thank You.

enable

good morning jurnei

my sleepless nights

with you

are less and less and less and less

peace:

restoration is only futuristic.

closure does not exist, right?

i searched for it in vain.

i sought it for selfish gain.

my need for it

seems to out weigh the proven weight of

TRUTH,

in that individual experience

is 

individual reality.

dream is neither experience or reality

thus it's so called truth is fantasy.

it can never be proven,

just assimilated

or imitated.

it is a group or self fulfilling prophesy.

there is more truth in what we can not currently

see,

taste,

touch,

smell,

or hear

than in what we 

instantly manifest,

or presently long for,

or continuously dream up,

or selfishly expect,

or sometimes hope for,

or at most times demand,

and at rare times fervently pray for,

and at all times,

simply are ready for,

prepared for,

and/or accustomed to.

this Truth is not hidden, 

it is simply dimensional.  

jurnei, there is Truth everywhere and my eyes want to see only the truth, yet, alas,

those senses are so strong in me,

holding on to the longing.

i suppose knowing how the feeling is, 

how captivating, yet,

elusive,

can assist me in seeing the struggles others will have,

and do have, 

in understanding the feeling.

and overcoming the continuous feeling of 

chasing after that rabbit.

THAT is what distracts.

THAT is what dismays.

but, jurnei, it gives me something to ponder,

to recon.  

my walk is not to reconvene with only You, is it?

my path is not to re-converse with only me, either, 

is it?  again and again and again ...

my trail is not about what is laid before me

or what was laid behind me, is it?

because no matter the rabbit trails, my path is eternal.

maybe those rabbit trails are to revisit?

please please please jurnei,

re-position me.

enablement: proceed . . . . . . . . . . . .

March 25, 2013 : passion principle

so jurnei, 
you are still here.  always have been.  always will be.  

it's beautiful how you keep lifting my heart just by reminding me of my talents and gifts.  i am digital.  

thank you for the blessings in my life.  the short times in meetings with friends who remain friends, some the best of best friends.  

thank you for the gift of communication.  its art.  its you.

jurnei, is it really going to be so long for this healing?  

"till you return back Home"

does healing bring out those who find value in me?  

"yes"

but i don't see them.

"they are allowing you time to rest and heal"

but,

"no. quiet yourself. please. the more you stress, the more you stress"

jurnei, HOW DO I REFILL MYSELF?  AGAIN?  you remember me asking you to heal me before, a decade ago!  did i fill myself with the wrong fillers?  how can i tell?  

"they weren't the wrong fillers.  passion is not a wrong filler.  right now, fill yourself with principles.  you can't depend on passion.  you can depend on principle"

i am filled with so much passion, though!  

"we know"

and principles!

"we know"

so,

"you know.  you KNOW"

never put passion before principle.  you told me that this past november, didn't you?

"you remember. but don't just remember or rely on a memory or memories.  act on it.  live out the principles and let the passions follow suit.  you still have alot to let go of.  that is part of the principle.  warriors don't go out to battle with duffle bags of baggage.  they don't go out to battle with duffle bags at all.  leave them behind.  and i know you want to do the "honorable thing" of proper storage, etc.  give your baggage to me, here and now.  it will allow your passage to be ..."

less stressful?

"was that a rhetorical question"?

was that?

"ha ha, answering a question with the same question.  nice"

so now what?

"as you would say, boom biddy bye bye.  and this ones for you: rest in peace"

ha ha nice jurnei.  can we talk about loss?

"in time"

in time, jurnei.  forever.  with you.  in time.  all the time .....

valiant

this is me: valiant.

Part of Speech: adjective

Definition: brave

Synonyms:  

adventurous, 

assertive, 

audacious, 

bold, 

chivalrous, 

courageous, 

dauntless, 

fearless, 

fire-eating, 

gallant, 

game, 

grand, 

great, 

gritty, 

gutsy, 

gutty,

heroic, 

high-spirited, 

indomitable, 

intrepid, 

lion-hearted, 

magnanimous, 

nervy, 

noble, 

plucky, 

powerful, 

puissant, 

redoubtable, 

self-reliant, 

spunky*, 

stalwart, 

steadfast, 

stout, 

stouthearted, 

strong-willed, 

unafraid, 

undaunted, 

undismayed, 

valorous, 

venturesome, 

venturous, 

vigorous, 

worthy

Antonyms: afraid, 

cowardly

March 16, 2013

Jurnei,
the long chain behind me,
feels less weighty.  so so much less.
my attempts of polishing something that tripped
me, hit me, wrapped me ... is feeling lighter and lighter .. ..
thank You Jurnei!  i must continue to look at you and hear your
direction, your orchestration, your muzic.  our muzic.  no matter the
silent shouts from about.  no matter the chuckles of shame.  i have to know
they are not You.  they don't come from You.  You make following You so easy.
i make it difficult.  because i feel the need to cling to my baggage.  but i didn't return here
burdened.  You returned me, unknowingly equipped.  what affects me, should not.  in more ways
than just one, two or society.  and i did not return with manic mania.  i have by acquisition.  Jurnei, i can
not carry it anymore.  we're headed back to forever and i will leave behind the sin that i never bore before.

so i can hold Your hand just in case i fall again. and again.  and again.  and again.  and again.  and again.  and

March 5, 2013 - zwe

Jurnei, 

it is not too late. 

It is never too late. 

It is never wrong.

It is always where we belong. 

It is magical. 

It is inspiring. 

It is albeit splendid. 

It is we.

February 26, 2013

Jurnei, you mezmerized me in my thoughts and dreams. i 

knew what you were showing me. i am scraping off the 

scabs of hurt. these old old dried scabs. thank you for 

telling me that i don't keep those scabs as reasons to 

resent. get rid of them i am. so many though. external and 

internal. is there someone new beneath the crusts? 

beautiful is a give in. gummyness is craving. bouncy? oh ya.

 but i gotta still take a chill pill. recovery is due. patience is 

new. both for me? i accept.